I’m Back !
Hi to all my Tarot Friends in the World,
Just want to let you all know that I am back at my Truly Teach Me Tarot Desk once more and gearing up to get stuck into some serious writing. I will be dealing with all my outstanding comments and correspondence first, so if you have sent a comment and heard nothing back from me, hang on in there as I wade through the pile. It is just me who runs this whole site and does all the writing, including building the new site, which still has to be launched!!! I have many roles to play and at times it can become quite a juggling act. Throwing college into the mix, certainly didn’t help. You have all been so patient with me during this time and I really want to thank you for your support. I have had to put everything to the side in the last few months as deadlines for assignments and college exams sucked every second of my time and energy. I have officially finished college after a grueling year of information overload in Digital Technology. I must say it has been one of the toughest times of my life, and certainly not helped by fatigue from major surgery less than a year ago, and the need for further surgery in May of this year. I am not as young as I once was, and by the end of college on the 29th of June was practically in a state of collapse from nervous exhaustion and horrendous insomnia.
Once it was all over, I was packed off to the Atlantic seaside town of Clonakilty in West Cork, Ireland, to rest and restore my troubled mind and body. My partner’s house is there right beside the beach of Inchydoney, and apart from one day of horrendous rain, we were blessed with glorious sunshine. I arrived looking pale, stressed and wan, but by the time I departed a week later, clad in flip-flops and shorts, I looked tanned and much healthier. I really didn’t want to come home so soon as I felt I needed more time. Many of you will know that I have suffered from a myriad of complicated and obscure health problems in recent years, and several of them flared up while in my final two months of college. A week was certainly not going to fully heal me.
However, return I did, but something very important happened before I left, and I hold the Atlantic Ocean responsible for it. For the last couple of years I have been in a dilemma as to whether I should pack up and leave where I live in Kildare and move down South to my partner in Clonakilty. I have dithered and dawdled, and worried about discommoding my three cats by taking them away from the home they have lived in for so long. Up until now I have been incapable of making a decision, and that in itself has caused considerable stress. It means my partner must travel to visit me and vice versa. It has been a ridiculous scenario to be living in for grown adults, but there you go, that is what we have done.
Anyhow, I think it was either the last or second last day of my stay, while I was standing in the ocean staring out to sea, that a moment of enlightenment came over me, and there and then I decided what must happen. The thoughts of leaving to go back to Kildare, left me with a terrible sense of homesickness for Clonakilty. I shouldn’t feel so awful about going home, but I did. I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid if someone rang me, let’s say a government official, and declared that I no longer had a house in Kildare, no longer had any possessions or rights there, and that returning wasn’t an option I could entertain. I probably would have asked what was to happen to the cats, but other than that, I would have said, “okay”, politely thanked him and hung up before jumping up and down on the spot with glee.
And the big decision I have made? Well, packing in Kildare is already underway and I have adopted this ruthless attitude with a lot of my belongings. If it doesn’t fit in, or is debatable in any way, then it has to go. Pieces of furniture I have clung onto for years, my precious possessions (a taurean, what else!), will now go up for sale. Wardrobes are being gutted and boxes piled high for charity shops. I haven’t decided whether to sell my house or rent it out, but one thing is for certain, I will be out of here before the summer is out. Clonakilty here I come.
Startled by my rapid decision and frenzied packing, I decided to take a look at my cards in relation to what I was doing. Trust me, this has been a long time coming and maybe it took me sinking quite low from stress and exhaustion before I had the internal strength to say “no, enough is enough. Action must be taken, and taken now”.
My Question: Is my decision to move to my partner’s house in clonakilty a wise one? Aka, am I doing the right thing etc?
The Tarot Cards Drawn
Recent Past (18mths/2years) Outcome
Present Hopes and Fears
Near Future Surrounding Energy
When I saw The World Reversed in the Past Position, I nodded and thought to myself, yes, I understand. I no longer feel a part of the world I have been living in for so long. I have outgrown it for some reason or other, and whereas it once brought me great happiness, with the World Reversed, I believe it no longer sustains me. This cycle has gone full circle and it is time to go. Not much good will come out of staying. It wouldn’t be terrible if I did, but the World is telling there is great potential in life for me, but not where I am. Because it is Reversed, and the World is also connected with travel I can see how I have blocked myself from moving outside of my world to explore another. New things cannot begin until I let old things go. My home in Kildare is where my children lived. My son became ill here when he was 11 years old. Terminal cancer. This house is where he was laid out, where his coffin was carried from. He died in December 2007 and I have yet to clear his room. This was his home and we were very happy here. My daughter, now in her early thirties moved out a few years ago and will marry in November. As I looked at the World Card upside down, I accepted that my happy World too had been violently turned upside down. I have been trying to stay true to the memories of my lovely son, but the home he lived in, and the atmosphere contained within, has changed. I am terribly sentimental, and it will break my heart to leave this house behind, but in a way, it is slowly but surely killing me. As soon as I came back from Clonakilty over a week ago, all my health problems began to rear their ugly little heads. The old World no longer exists. I must take steps to enter a new world which is more suited to me. To do that I need to be strong, brave and willing to take risks.
With Strength as my Present Card, this mirrors exactly how I am behaving at present. Facing my fears and doing it anyway. Since Saturday I have been slowly disfiguring my house, bit by bit, of mirrors and pictures that have hung in the same place for years. Already the house is beginning to lose its heart. I have cleared cupboards of their contents. Some have gone to the bin, others have been packed. I am forcing myself to think in a logical and practical manner regarding the move. On Saturday morning when I started packing, I still entertained notions of bringing some of the large pieces of furniture in my house, but by Sunday, I had gotten over that. Why would I want to drag so many dead horses around with me, hauling the past in my wake, just so that I could be reminded of my old home and old world? Furniture that I saved long and hard for will go up for sale, and with the proceeds I will buy new items for Clonakilty. We could do with some bookcases in the front room. Maybe source some recycled vintage timber and employ a local carpenter to work some magic with them.
My partner keeps staring at me, and when challenged as to why, he asks if I am okay and assures me he understands how big a deal this whole move is for me. When it comes to the cats, (Strength is also linked to cats) they have been a major block in my considering this move. They are quite old and I worry that they may not survive the journey. It is only a 3 to 4 hour car journey, but anyone who knows cats will understand how terribly stressed they get. I fear they may have heart attacks and not survive the trip, but what am I to do? I must be strong and believe that they will be fine. We will do our best to make the journey as stress free as possible for them, but after that it is up to them. They will have to be brave too.
The Ten of Wands in my Near Future Position does not surprise me. The road has been long and steep, and the toughest part of the journey is yet to come. I have a lot of things to sort out before I can run away to the seaside. There is no doubt that I will be totally exhausted by the time I get there. This Card shows me carrying a heavy load, but the Ten of Wands can simply suggest a move of address, relocating, packing up and moving your belongings to a new home. Everyone knows that moving house can be a very stressful time, and why should it be any different for me? This Card does warn me though about taking too much with me, and always raises the question in Readings as to whether all those Wands on one’s back are necessary? If some of them were to be dropped or left behind, would it really matter? Will I be tempted to drag some of those darned dead horses with me. Yes, this journey has been long, but look, the end is in sight. The new location is coming into view, and even though it is a daunting task, with a bit of effort and heave-ho, I can do it. The Ten of Wands tells me that even though this appears to be the tough part of the journey, the worst is actually behind me. I am moving out of an old cycle, a cycle that has worn me down and demanded so much of me. The Reversed World has already moved away from me as I close down more and more of the old life. The Ten of Wands warns me about letting myself get overburdened in the new cycle. It suggests I have the tendency to do so and I must guard against it.
I will skip the Answer Card for the moment and move on to the Surrounding Energy Card which is Justice (XI). Now this is interesting because so many people have been telling me for so long about what I should do and what would be in my best interests. They couldn’t understand why I had any reservations about moving, and that I should not let cats and the likes stand between me and a chance for happiness. I have heard all their opinions on whether it would be best to sell or rent my house. The thing is they have been right, but when it comes to Justice, I must act from my own convictions and not because of pressure from others. It is time to face myself and my life square on, and be open and honest with what I find. There must be no holding back. Full transparency is required and I must declare my feelings, my needs, my hopes and aspirations for the action I am about to take. I have been looking for guarantees from all around that everything will be okay, but I must take full responsibility for my actions. I am a mature adult and need to search for the truth of my life and my personal happiness. Justice lies in a diagonal line with The Reversed World and asks me to acknowledge the truth of the situation. I no longer belong in that world and I have known it for some time. Justice tells me it is okay to let it go of it. With Justice in an Upright Position, I believe I am being assured that everything is in divine order and that life is working out as it should. I have done as I should, weighed the pros and cons of leaving my home to relocate. I have not rushed or made impulsive moves. I have consulted both my head and my heart, and at times the scales of Justice favored one over the other. Now Justice shows the balanced scale, not precisely balanced, but just enough to arrive at a calm and reasonable conclusion. Of course Justice has known this all along but was aware that this type of understanding must truthfully come from within, and not be forced upon one by others. Justice also points to the Ten of Wands and tells me that I had to go through a lot to arrive at where I am now. It was impossible for Justice to ever intervene during the tough times as I had to find my own way. Justice has stepped forward now and obviously tracked me to the beach that day and entered my energy field. As I stared out to sea, I could hear her patient voice within asking me to be true to myself and do something about balancing the scales of my life. She urged me to settle things once and for all so that the right action could be taken. And so, I have simply caught up with what everyone around me has been thinking and saying for some time. I had to wait for the time to be right for me. Justice also speaks to me of this being a Karmic situation and that much thought had to be given to the situation.
The presence of The Ace of Swords in my Hopes and Fear Position really does reflect my hopes in this situation. Yes, I am looking for a fresh start. I am looking for a clean break. I am looking for clarity of thought on what the best thing to do is. I am looking for mental freshness and a new attitude and approach to the life ahead. My head is full of exciting plans and ideas of what my new life will be like. Very importantly I am happy to see the Ace of Swords here because once the mind is clear and positive, the rest of the body will follow suit. Stress has played a very negative part in my life for so many years, and has impacted my very core with depression, anxiety and horrific insomnia. I would dearly love to leave the 8, 9 and 10 of Swords firmly in the past and grab hold of this brand new Ace of Swords with all my might and never let it go. I will use my Ace of Swords to sever any lingering ties of my old life that do not serve my highest good. Everything that has been dragging me down will be cut away and I will feel so light I just might float away. Well that is what my intentions are. With Strength flanking the Ace of Swords on the left, it suggests that I have what it takes to put all my plans into action. I just need to believe in myself and not give up.
Yes, yes and yes to The Page of Wands. Oh if he is a true representation of the Potential Outcome for me then I am very happy to see him. This young page promises to bring my inner child to the surface. He speaks to me of happiness, sunshine, joy, excitement, enthusiasm and creative inspiration. He could easily free up my body and release energy into its tired cells. He will remove apathy and jadedness from my daily life and have me bouncing out of the bed in the morning eager to see what the day will bring. As he is the messenger of good news as far as travel is concerned then it bodes well for my intended move. The Page of Wands is a Fire child and he chases the heat so he will bring sunshine into my life and I will feel reborn as if I am being given a second chance. He assures me that I am doing the right thing. He believes it will take years off me and that I will find a new lease of life once I get started. He agrees that I should travel light and not weigh myself down with burdensome possessions. He can’t see why I would need more than a haversack but then he is the Page of Wands. I notice the Page of Wands looking diagonally over his shoulder and can see that he is looking down upon the Ten of Wands and tut, tutting. He throws his single Wand in the air to demonstrate how nimble he is. He looks so energetic and wiry in comparison to the bent struggling figure in the Ten. I certainly will heed his advice about lightening my load. Things slow you down and then they have to be minded and maintained. He is all for being free and easy and having a good time. He tells me that I will have my day in the sun and that happier times are not too far away.
The Lovers Card in the Answer Position plays a big part in my decision to relocate to the Atlantic Coast in West Cork. As a couple, my partner and I wish to do all the things we have planned to do for so many years. We are both creative people. I write and make dolls, do a bit of singing too, while he, Billy, is a musician, painter and poet. We can never fully apply ourselves to anything because of the life we live, tooing and froing from house to house. It is time to become more established and know exactly where our base is. Once we have everything under the same roof we can proceed with our plans without constant interruptions. We both share a love of being by the sea and especially the wild Atlantic. It probably sings to our creative souls. The energy and light to be found near the sea is very therapeutic. We need to live close to nature and have no real need for a buzzing social life. However, Clonakilty is a wonderful cosmopolitan town with much going on all year round. It has a lively atmosphere, excellent shops, bars and restaurants, and a fantastic farmers market once a week.It is a well-known holiday resort but is essentially a working town at the end of the day. This means that it does not close down over the winter months. The Lovers will certainly thrive in this environment.
Four of the seven cards drawn are Major Arcana suggesting strong issues at play that will determine the course of my life. Decisions must be made carefully as this is not a transient issue. Two Wand Cards highlight the aspect of travel and movement along with action being taken. One Sword, but it is an Ace and Upright which is a good sign. No Cups which may point to the fact that emotional fears have been holding me back from making this decision, and at present I am suppressing them to guard against interference. No Pentacles. Have they nothing to contribute or do they think I should stay where I am? Maybe this is not a time to be practical or cautious. Interesting.
I am quiet happy with the Answer I got from my Tarot Reading but these cards could be interpreted in many ways. Remember, I may be quiet biased in my reading!!
See you all soon,
Vivien (your Tarot Teacher)
Categories: Course Update, Practice Reading
What a beautiful, beautifully written story! I am sorry about the loss of your son. I understand loss a little bit. My mother doesn’t read Tarot, but I think she will love this story–I’m going to send it to her. Thank you for writing it.
Hi, and thank you for your touching comment. I often wonder if I should keep my personal stories out of my tarot writings, but I work so much on this course that at times I cannot separate the two. Sometimes when writing about my issues, and especially when I share my personal readings, I can see myself with greater clarity. Normally when I pull cards for myself, I quickly summarise my interpretations and move on to the rest of the day’s work. However, when I sit down to write about my cards, I have to give more consideration to their potential messages, and also to how they interlink with each other. I feel that I am less guarded when I write, and observations I would normally overlook, come to light when I have to express myself through the keyboard. Thank goodness I do not have to hand write my work as I have problems with my hands due to auto immune conditions which make them stiff and painful. My handwriting is often labored and jagged due to tightness in the muscles and ligaments. I have written considerably about my son’s journey through cancer. I stopped some time ago before his story was finished. I will return to it some day.
I have been reading and referencing your website these last two years. I want to thank you for sharing your extensive knowledge of tarot with the world. You are a tremendous gift to all of us who are studying. I will say a prayer for you and your beloved cats during this transitional time.
Oh, how kind of you. I am not sure I would consider myself as having an extensive knowledge of Tarot. I learned the way we all do. I think the more life experiences one has, both apparent positive and negative, equips one better able to understand the depths of wisdom in the cards. The cards reflect life in all it distortions. Sometimes we have to live through them to fully appreciate them. If one has not being touched by life, the cards can seem obscure and confusing. I have lived through many experiences, and when I see the stories of these depicted in the imagery of the cards, I can relay them quite easily. Most of what we experience is archetypal in nature. We just think it is happening only to us and that no one else has experienced it like us. It really is the same story happening over and over again. We just perceive it as different. I once went to a medium and after my session I asked her how she does her work. She told me that the messages come through to her based on her personal filing cabinet of experiences. She said she couldn’t explain it any other way. I enjoy creating elaborate stories around the cards, the more dramatic the better. This tendency became more dominant the more I wrote my way throughout the cards. I expect the remaining cards to be re-worked will expand even further into the creative writing field. I particularly enjoy this aspect of it instead of writing about the cards in the more traditional sense. I will take all the prayers you send for my cats who even now are eyeing the house to see what I have moved. They sense something is up for sure.
Thank you for posting!
I agree with your reading and admire your clarity ( I am finding it terribly difficult to read for myself these days, while for other people, it gets easier!).
I often associate the Ace of Swords with an opportunity that can only be received by cutting away unnecessary baggage, so it’s very fitting here. I like the connection between strength and cats, and completely understand your concerns for them. However this card may mean that although the cats are old, they may be stronger than you give them credit for! They may give out during the journey, but it won’t kill them. They ll be fine. Good health and good luck to you! Nicola x
Thank you for your lovely comment. Yes, it is very difficult to read for yourself, that is why I mentioned at the end of the post that there may be other interpretations for my cards, as mine, regardless of how hard I try, may be biased in favor of my current desires. Yes, I also have to get over the cats issue. We are a family of animal lovers and are prone to putting them first a lot of the time. I think my life spiraled out of control with college and ill health in recent months which led to the complete realisation that life had to change. I have drawn The Tower a lot quite recently when doing mini readings for myself. I was concerned that trauma was heading my way and have been keeping a look out for it. Ironically, my partner viewed it in a different light. When I started pulling my house apart at the weekend to commence packing and declaring that everything must go, he suggested that this may be The Tower in action in my life. An old way of life being torn down. I felt semi-reassured by that, but not yet fully convinced. With regards to Numerology, I am in year 5 right now and can expect a lot of turmoil and upheaval for some time to come. Thank you for your support.
Hi Vivien, it’s nice to see you back.
I’m going to try and put my take up on the cards you drew about your move.
I haven’t read your interpretation, but I will when I’ve posted this.
So to kick off I’m seeing the world card RX in “recent past” as you not being able to move forward regarding a situation, I was there something that you wanted to “draw a line” under and move away from?, I feel that there was and although you wanted to do it, it was easier said than done and this has been quite a significant obstacle for you.
Life’s is being rather an endurance test for you right now and you may be wondering just how much more you can take, but as well as the strength card pointing that out I also feel that this card has appeared to say … “keep calm, Rome wasn’t built in a day” just stay on top of all the present upheaval that you are having to cope with. You’re gonna need the Strength card when the 10 of wands steps in and really puts the pressure on.
Looking at the surrounding energy, the Justice card suggests that you are viewing this move in a logical and just way, it’s like you have a check list and everything has to be done – put to one side – ticked off.
It’s looking good from what I can see; the Ace of Swords is going to give that new fresh clear head feeling and with the Page of Wands in the outcome …. Hey!! What more could you ask for? I’m seeing a new start but doing things differently, you may feel out of your comfort zone for a while but that’ll pass.
The lovers here at the end is a sign of making a very important choice and also moving forward in your relationship with more commitment.
So in answer to your question Vivien ….. YES … you’re doing the right thing. xxxx
What a brilliant reading, and spot on too. When you read my version, you will see how they correlate so well. Yes, The Lovers highlights the importance of the decision I have been struggling to make and Strength showing me how much my life has been an endurance for so long, and that I will have to call on all my reserves of whatever strength is left to bring me safely over the finish line in The Ten of Wands. Your suggestion that Justice is helping me to view my decisions in a clear, just and logical way fits exactly with my own feelings. I feel I am doing the right thing, but that it was always going to have to wait until I was ready to do it. The Ace of Swords must be kept upright and allied to Strength so that I do not falter in my decisions. I was sitting out in my back garden yesterday evening and I couldn’t help but notice all my roses exploding with colour. My lavender has never looked so amazingly purple, and a pair of wood pigeons called out to each other in the trees. I thought my heart would break as I stared around at my garden. I became very nostalgic and zoned out a little as I replayed scenes of my lovely young son, dressed as a Jedi Knight, jumping off the steps of the decking waving his light sabre in the air above his head, and him running in the side gate looking for money for the ice-cream van. I remember digging out the garden and laying the paving all by myself, and also the planting of young trees, shrubs, roses, bluebells and daffodils. I thought of all the wine and laughter around the garden table, an my son Conor, with all his friends being fed pizza and ice-cream there too. I remembered all my cats, many now gone, some laid to rest under the trees, and of course my beautiful dog Lillie, gone only a few months before my son. I felt very emotional, but I didn’t waver. I could feel the sharp point of the Ace of Swords and reminded myself of what I had to do.
Life changed a long time ago. I suppose from the day I lost my son in 2007. It has taken me this long to fully realise it. I may never accept it, but I am prepared to move on from it.
I know I am doing the right thing, but it is hard. I will be taking very little with me. I have decided just about everything should go. The hardest part will be clearing my son’s room, which I am sad to say has not been touched since his death. His school uniform still hangs in his wardrobe along with his shoes and other clothing. His dressing gown still on the back of the bedroom door.
He will be 20 next March. It is time.
Thank you for your support.
Thank you for your feedback, it really helps to know i’m on the right track with my readings.
You certainly do have a huge line to cross over regarding your son, i can’t imagine how painful it must be in your position, I really wish you all the strength you need to get through it all. Lots of love and best wishes to you xxx
Great to hear you found the feedback helpful. You are certainly working hard. There are many ways of interpretation and even if yours had been very different to mine, it would not mean it was wrong. However, it just goes to show you how Tarot works with archetypes and archetypal situations in that we can all relate to them, and even though we are far away from each other, arrive at a similar understanding of the messages they contain.
Wow! Soon as you finished school the world was waiting around to kick you into action. No rest for the dead. I’m in school too and have been slow with the posting during this quarter because the director of my program recommended I double up my credits. I should know myself better, but I’m a total mystery to me. I never back down so I will finish it and await the landslide like you got. 😀
Yes, no rest for the wicked for sure. Hope you are managing to get through all your work. My heart goes out to you. I know how stressful it can be and like you I hate to admit defeat or give in so I end up wrecking myself. People like us always have landslides chasing us. We bring it on ourselves. No one else to blame.
Sending your strength and stamina,
It’s no surprise I came across your blog.
I have been learning the tarot on and off for years now, and feel that sometimes I am beginning to do a better job of interpreting them I have searched countless times for websites to help me interpret my cards, and learned to trust my intuition more, even when the cards seem to make no sense, and then find a deeper meaning that explains what I was feeling.
I have a few favourite sites and readers, but I have never come across your before, and suddenly, there you were!
Although I have only read this one blog, and skimmed over your wonderful contributions to learning tarot, I felt a deep, deep sense of connection to you and your beautifully written story, written deep from within your heart, and felt your sense of peace at your decision.
I, too, am preparing to move, but for me it’s the fourth time in nearly a decade. My partner and I are packing up our home in Africa, and heading to the west coast of Scotland. It will be a heart wrenching leavetaking, one we have been preparing for some time, but we are both filled with a sense of excitement and optimism at the prospect of living within walking distance of the ocean, of a life we have never before experienced but one that will bring us into the heart of the the home of our ancestors.
I have also had health problems, not to the extent you have, but the exhaustion, limitation and depression seems to be a common thread.
I look forward to reading your older blogs, and your future ones too.
From my heart, to yours,
My response is a bit late but welcome back! Your site is such a joy to read and I find myself spending quite a bit of time on here late at night when I can’t sleep. Your energy is so supportive and comforting.
I wish you a speedy recovering and continued healing!
Hi Nicoleh, thanks for the welcome. Gosh I thought my writing would be enough to put anyone to sleep!! Maybe try something a bit lighter. The drama will be continuing very soon and can’t wait to build some more stories around these wonderful cards.
By the way, I know all about not sleeping.