Well talk about throwing it in my face! Let me fill you in on yesterday, the 28th of August, my Daily Two Card Reading. I wasn’t prepared for such directness but I did ask the question ‘what does the day ahead hold for me’? If you can’t handle the answer, you shouldn’t ask the question in the first place. Right?
My Two Cards yesterday were
The High Priestess and The Four of Cups. Well, that about summed me up and I had no one to blame but myself. Once you hear my story, you will agree too. On the evening of the 27th, I had enjoyed a very industrious and productive day. I had written much, sorted out the bunting for my niece’s baby and had even managed some housework. My self and my partner had prepared a lovely dinner, and to celebrate the great news about his mortgage confirmation we opened a bottle of wine, lit the candle on the table and settled down to eat, drink and chat about the future.
We discussed the house in Dingle, and shared ideas about decorating it and where furniture would go. It was great planning and making lists, imagining the short stroll to the beach, a new life beginning for us. The wine went down well but unfortunately it seemed to disappear too fast. We were still in a high mood and not yet ready to end the evening. So what do you think happened next? Yes, we opened a second bottle. I did hesitate though. I am not what you would call a great drinker and can only tolerate so much. I also knew that we had to travel to our singing lesson the next day and I had been planning on going to bed early. Well you can imagine, I threw caution to the wind and went for it. Before we knew it the second bottle was almost empty and I was already feeling guilty. When I saw what time it was, I made a mad scramble for bed, sorting cats with food and water for the night on my way.
I fell asleep quite quickly but woke a few hours later with my mouth stuck together. Great, I thought, this is all I need. After downing a pint of water, I aimed to fall back to sleep again. No chance! Sleep and alcohol never really worked for me. I watched the dawn appear and the darkness slip away. I was in a deep sleep when the alarm went off. I must have fallen asleep shortly before it. I felt wrecked, exhausted, muzzy and yeucky inside. I crawled out of bed and fed the cats, made some coffee, which by the way I am supposed to be off at the moment, and attempted to bring myself around. The coffee just made my heart race so I pushed it aside. I hit the shower thinking that the water might revive me, but I was only fooling myself.
My partner was no better than me. We had to get to our singing lesson on time and we were feeling rightly rough. I couldn’t believe it. I had really been looking forward to my singing lesson, and also to the fact that we were not going to the school in Dublin, but instead were travelling to a beautiful part of County Wicklow to have our lessons in the tutors house. It was supposed to be a lovely drive right across the Dublin and Wicklow mountains. I spent most of the journey with my eyes closed, occasionally opening them when my partner mentioned the beautiful heather, or the way the clouds had formed around the mountains. I honestly couldn’t care less. My mouth felt dry, and no amount of water seemed to make any difference. I could feel a niggling headache beginning at my left temple. My eyes felt as if battery acid had been thrown into them.
We reached the farm where our lesson was to be. We were shamefully late. I was first in for my lesson and managed to get through it without collapsing, but it was more endurance than enjoyment. While I waited for my partner, I sat with my tutors cats and a cup of herbal tea he had made me. He had given me permission to have a wander around the farm. ‘Go where you like’ he offered. I couldn’t walk out to the car let alone around the fields. I also felt terribly cold. I was in this lovely place and I just wanted to go home. When was it ever going to be bedtime, I thought?
When my partner was finished we headed off in the car and he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk? ‘No’, I replied ‘just take me home’. We drove over the lovely mountains again, this time with the sun out. I lay back and put my sunglasses on to avoid the further razor-like soreness in my eyes. I felt hungry and sick all at the same time. I just wanted to go home. I didn’t notice the beautiful wooded groves we drove by or the fabulous ferns my partner pointed out to me. Would this painful journey ever end?
We stopped near to home to get something to eat. I was tired and cold, and absolutely no company. I ate a pannini that I really couldn’t taste because my taste buds were not working. I slumped in the seat and closed my eyes while the waitresses looked on, I suppose presuming we were having a row or something. When it came time to go, my partner had to fetch the car to the door because I was too shattered to walk back to the car-park.
As soon as we got in the door I changed into my pyjamas and climbed into bed. However, before I did that I picked up the Two Cards I had drawn that morning, and there she was, The High Priestess, staring accusingly at me. She was telling me ‘you have no one to blame but yourself. You knew exactly what the outcome of the previous evening was going to be but you went ahead anyway’. She told me ‘I did try to stop you, did try to get through to you, but you knew better didn’t you? You are old enough at this stage to know that you can’t get away with those extra couple of glasses, not like most people can, so what made you think last night would be any different?’ God, I thought to myself, how great to be so perfect and flawless like her. She holds the answers to everything. She would never let herself fall into the trap I did. How predictably sanctimonious! Huh!.
There she sat, The High Priestess beside The Four of Cups, showing me up and turning the bright glare of her accusations on me. I looked at the state of myself in The Four of Cups and couldn’t blame her for having a go at me. I looked at myself sitting under the tree, too wasted to get up, too disinterested and exhausted to even look up. It was all going on around me but I felt too shattered to care. There were all the lovely opportunities of the day lined up in front of me in the three Cups, and the fourth Cup being offered to me reflected the scenery my partner had tried to interest and enthuse me with on the drive back and forth. It also symbolised the offer of my tutor to ‘wander his land’. All missed, all gone because I had too much to drink the night before. The Cup being offered in the imagery also suggested the extra wine I had consumed when really it was obvious I didn’t need it. The figure under the tree represented a sorry sight, and one that I identified with all too readily. I had terrible regrets about spoiling the day for myself, the day I had so looked forward too. I could have kicked myself.
As I climbed the stairs to bed I felt quite low and depressed in myself. I felt I had wasted a good day out and had not been able to participate fully. I left the two cards beside my computer, but even as I turned over in the bed to settle down, I could hear The High Priestess whispering through the walls at me. ‘Oh you are full of remorse now and good intentions. You claim tonight that it was a mistake and that it won’t happen again, but both you and I know that of course it will. There are plenty more nights to come in relation to celebrating this new house. There will be the hoped for clearance by the surveyor to celebrate, then there will be the official signing and handing over of keys, then the move, then the decorating, the first visitors. Oh the list goes on and on. There will always be something to celebrate and of course you will overdo it again, and I will be there to watch you and reproach you the next day for your carelessness. Will you ever learn your lesson?’ ‘Go away’ I whispered back to her ‘and let me sleep’. She coolly withdrew into the distance. Tomorrow was another day and I was looking forward to making up for the disaster this day had been. Tomorrow I would work even harder. I would show her, my conscience, what I was made of.
God, I think I will have a glass of wine after all that writing!
Please feel free to share your own stories in relation to your Daily Readings. If you do not wish to have your identity revealed by posting, then send them directly to me and I will anonymously post on your behalf.
Vivien (your Tarot Teacher)